Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
