you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
