Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
