Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
