Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
