We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
