i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
