so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
