hell yes lets make some ravioli
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Randomize
