Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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