Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
