from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
