Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
