Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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