he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
