I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
