she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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