You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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