After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
