just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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