speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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