Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
