I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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