I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
