I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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