Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
