Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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