mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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