I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
