I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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