Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
