I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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