My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
