Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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