so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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