And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
