from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
