i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
