Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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