please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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