Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
