i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
