My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
