Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
