The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
