We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
