omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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