You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
