i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
