Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
