If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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