the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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