The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
