doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And then my night got REAL pukey
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
