I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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