Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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