remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
