I'm really into asian looking animals
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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