you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Boobs are out for the taking
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
