I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
