You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
