I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
