standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
