I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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