Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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