You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize