I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
