i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She's the barista slut.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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