i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
