Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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