I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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