I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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