i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
