Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
