Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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