seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
